5 months
It's been awhile since I've blogged on-line. In January, I started sending out group emails to my gal pals-friends and family-mainly from back home but also others all over the country. It has been a good way for me to keep in touch with many people all at once, but most importantly it has been my lifeline to keeping my spirits up during what has been a relatively lonely transition into a new city.
I have been temping the past month and just working and being able to bring home a check and interact with people has been another lifeline for me to keeping my spirits up.
I know that in the beginning that part of it was the fact that I was tired physically from the pregnancy and all of the changes occurring at once.
It's amazing what a difference 150 days can make. I feel positive and upbeat for the most part. I do still miss my family and friends, but I've been able to keep in touch via email and phone calls and brief visits such as the holidays to home and visitors from home that have made the trek down to see us.
I know that another part of feeling more positive is now feeling more ready to become a mother for the first time in my life. I still have my doubts and my fears, but I can sense the change in me emotionally and my attachment to this baby that I haven't met but have only felt softly kicking in my belly from time to time.
When I was younger, I often would worry about growing old and being alone. My mother had seen a fortune teller one time and the fortune teller's prediction was that I was going to be very wealthy someday and the fortune teller wanted to know what I did for a living. I had to laugh at that because most every job I've ever had, it seems that I've been underpaid (or so people have told me that I'm underpaid for the work that I did). And somehow my mother said that I should know everything and all of the family secrets and everything should be told to me because I was going to outlive everyone. I still have that fear...of being an elderly woman and being at home day in and day out without anyone to talk to and without anyone who would care for me. I know statistically speaking that women outlive men, so I know that someday I may become a widow. It's not something that I care to think about, but it is something that I worry about often. I've been lucky to find a great, supportive, and loving husband and I try not to take for granted every day that we're together. We get along well for the most part and make a good team, but of course there are times when he drives me crazy or gets on my nerves.
Now that there is a baby in the picture, one would assume that I can't outlive everyone because most children outlive their parents. Yet the future is so unknown...there are many parents that have outlived a child or even children. So many of my friends who are mothers tell me that being a mother is the most important job in the world to them. And soon I will be joining them...and I have a feeling that I will agree-motherhood is a gift and it is also a job. I have yet to experience it, but I know that it's going to be a lifelong job with much worry and stress, but yet probably the greatest joy that I will experience.
I have had so many different emotions these past 5 months. Strangely enough, I don't feel like I was ever an emotional pregnant woman. I believe that my changing emotions were due to the circumstances and all of the change. I am happy to report that 5 months later I feel excited and positive about the baby and about the future.
I have been temping the past month and just working and being able to bring home a check and interact with people has been another lifeline for me to keeping my spirits up.
I know that in the beginning that part of it was the fact that I was tired physically from the pregnancy and all of the changes occurring at once.
It's amazing what a difference 150 days can make. I feel positive and upbeat for the most part. I do still miss my family and friends, but I've been able to keep in touch via email and phone calls and brief visits such as the holidays to home and visitors from home that have made the trek down to see us.
I know that another part of feeling more positive is now feeling more ready to become a mother for the first time in my life. I still have my doubts and my fears, but I can sense the change in me emotionally and my attachment to this baby that I haven't met but have only felt softly kicking in my belly from time to time.
When I was younger, I often would worry about growing old and being alone. My mother had seen a fortune teller one time and the fortune teller's prediction was that I was going to be very wealthy someday and the fortune teller wanted to know what I did for a living. I had to laugh at that because most every job I've ever had, it seems that I've been underpaid (or so people have told me that I'm underpaid for the work that I did). And somehow my mother said that I should know everything and all of the family secrets and everything should be told to me because I was going to outlive everyone. I still have that fear...of being an elderly woman and being at home day in and day out without anyone to talk to and without anyone who would care for me. I know statistically speaking that women outlive men, so I know that someday I may become a widow. It's not something that I care to think about, but it is something that I worry about often. I've been lucky to find a great, supportive, and loving husband and I try not to take for granted every day that we're together. We get along well for the most part and make a good team, but of course there are times when he drives me crazy or gets on my nerves.
Now that there is a baby in the picture, one would assume that I can't outlive everyone because most children outlive their parents. Yet the future is so unknown...there are many parents that have outlived a child or even children. So many of my friends who are mothers tell me that being a mother is the most important job in the world to them. And soon I will be joining them...and I have a feeling that I will agree-motherhood is a gift and it is also a job. I have yet to experience it, but I know that it's going to be a lifelong job with much worry and stress, but yet probably the greatest joy that I will experience.
I have had so many different emotions these past 5 months. Strangely enough, I don't feel like I was ever an emotional pregnant woman. I believe that my changing emotions were due to the circumstances and all of the change. I am happy to report that 5 months later I feel excited and positive about the baby and about the future.
posted by Princess at 9:16 PM
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