A New Milestone
It has been quite the week for me, a very emotional time. My littlest baby reached a new milestone. He weaned himself overnight. I wasn't exactly prepared for this as we had been nursing two times/day. It was somewhat inconvenient, especially on days that my oldest son had pre-school and I would have to nurse the little one before we headed out the door. I usually would wake both kids up around 8 or 8:15, nurse my little guy, and then attempt to give them breakfast, dressed, pottied, and then sprint across town at 8:35 am. It was stressful, but I was willing to continue as long as he wanted to. I worried about some men coming to our house to work on finishing our basement and how I would add strangers into the equation when it came to nursing since my oldest would want me to nurse downstairs in the living room.
Well, it turned out I didn't have to worry about it since the basement work hasn't started yet. The first day my toddler didn't nurse, I kept asking and he kept refusing. I cried when he went to bed that night because I realized that it was just over like that. It felt like I was getting dumped by a boyfriend that just simply stopped loving me. Of course, this is not true, but what I felt was heartbroken and betrayed. And all the while and during all of this time, I kept wondering when he would wean and when he finally did very suddenly, I was surprised at the strong emotions that I felt. So Sunday morning, I couldn't wait for him to wake up so I could try to get him to nurse. And he did and while he was nursing, I knew that it would probably be our last time nursing. And it was. He nursed for six minutes (I know because I would record these times in a little notebook from birth) and it was a joyful, tender moment that I will cherish always.
I have cried many tears this week and have asked numerous times if he wanted to nurse, and the answer has been, "No mommy, no!" So I have now stopped offering. I have spoken to some other mom friends via phone and email about stopping breastfeeding and it seems that there are many hormones involved which could explain some of the emotions and crying. Many women nursing toddlers experience the opposite situation with a child who never wants to stop nursing, but it does happen and sometimes overnight. My breasts were a little uncomfortable this week and I had to use a pump and hand express some milk in the shower, but I think that they have finally figured out that they should stop producing milk.
My husband has been great as he always shows me in tough times that he wants what is best for me, worries about me, and cares for me. Well, part of me knows that the man in him wants to "fix me" and fix my hurt and make it go away. I love him dearly for the fact that he worries about me and hates to see me hurting.
I had also posted about my sadness on a breastfeeding web site and two comments from total strangers made me see the ending of our nursing relationship in a whole new light: "aww, hopefully i'm a way off that yet. My lo is almost 1 but still feeding very often. I don't know how you feel yet but know that sad gut feeling i get when i think about her no longer wanting my milk. I think though you have to think of the positives, you've done a fantastic job, you've fed him for much longer that most people so be proud for that. Also by the sounds of it he's turning into a confident independant little boy and him stopping wanting his mommy's milk and comfort from feeding is just part of that. He's getting what he needs elsewhere now. Your bond won't be less, he'll still need you just as much. I'm sure over the next few days it will become easier!" and the second comment, "I think it's ok to feel sad and emotional. I'm pretty sure I'll be a mess when that day comes for us too. Try to focus on how proud you are of him. Making that decision for himself. And be proud of you too, that he got the chance to make that decision."
So I pondered this all week that they are right. My little boy is 21 months old now, almost 2 years old and I nursed him hundreds of time since his birth. I have nurtured him in such a way that has made him grow up into a healthy, smart, beautiful child. This was something I sadly did not share with my oldest son and I wanted so desperately to be able to nurse him and with my second, I had a completely different experience. I am proud of the fact that I nursed him for so long. I think I was afraid that he wouldn't need me as much, but quite simply I am still the first person he wants to see in the morning. In a room while playing, he'll look at me and call mommy as if to check in with me. I know that he has reached a new milestone and although it breaks my heart a little, I know it's a part of growing up and a part of me learning to let go. It is very bittersweet, especially since he is our last child. I will forever be thankful for the time and the bond that we share for life. I am a lucky, lucky mother to have a little boy who nursed for so long. Your mommy loves you with all of her heart.
(
Well, it turned out I didn't have to worry about it since the basement work hasn't started yet. The first day my toddler didn't nurse, I kept asking and he kept refusing. I cried when he went to bed that night because I realized that it was just over like that. It felt like I was getting dumped by a boyfriend that just simply stopped loving me. Of course, this is not true, but what I felt was heartbroken and betrayed. And all the while and during all of this time, I kept wondering when he would wean and when he finally did very suddenly, I was surprised at the strong emotions that I felt. So Sunday morning, I couldn't wait for him to wake up so I could try to get him to nurse. And he did and while he was nursing, I knew that it would probably be our last time nursing. And it was. He nursed for six minutes (I know because I would record these times in a little notebook from birth) and it was a joyful, tender moment that I will cherish always.
I have cried many tears this week and have asked numerous times if he wanted to nurse, and the answer has been, "No mommy, no!" So I have now stopped offering. I have spoken to some other mom friends via phone and email about stopping breastfeeding and it seems that there are many hormones involved which could explain some of the emotions and crying. Many women nursing toddlers experience the opposite situation with a child who never wants to stop nursing, but it does happen and sometimes overnight. My breasts were a little uncomfortable this week and I had to use a pump and hand express some milk in the shower, but I think that they have finally figured out that they should stop producing milk.
My husband has been great as he always shows me in tough times that he wants what is best for me, worries about me, and cares for me. Well, part of me knows that the man in him wants to "fix me" and fix my hurt and make it go away. I love him dearly for the fact that he worries about me and hates to see me hurting.
I had also posted about my sadness on a breastfeeding web site and two comments from total strangers made me see the ending of our nursing relationship in a whole new light: "aww, hopefully i'm a way off that yet. My lo is almost 1 but still feeding very often. I don't know how you feel yet but know that sad gut feeling i get when i think about her no longer wanting my milk. I think though you have to think of the positives, you've done a fantastic job, you've fed him for much longer that most people so be proud for that. Also by the sounds of it he's turning into a confident independant little boy and him stopping wanting his mommy's milk and comfort from feeding is just part of that. He's getting what he needs elsewhere now. Your bond won't be less, he'll still need you just as much. I'm sure over the next few days it will become easier!" and the second comment, "I think it's ok to feel sad and emotional. I'm pretty sure I'll be a mess when that day comes for us too. Try to focus on how proud you are of him. Making that decision for himself. And be proud of you too, that he got the chance to make that decision."
So I pondered this all week that they are right. My little boy is 21 months old now, almost 2 years old and I nursed him hundreds of time since his birth. I have nurtured him in such a way that has made him grow up into a healthy, smart, beautiful child. This was something I sadly did not share with my oldest son and I wanted so desperately to be able to nurse him and with my second, I had a completely different experience. I am proud of the fact that I nursed him for so long. I think I was afraid that he wouldn't need me as much, but quite simply I am still the first person he wants to see in the morning. In a room while playing, he'll look at me and call mommy as if to check in with me. I know that he has reached a new milestone and although it breaks my heart a little, I know it's a part of growing up and a part of me learning to let go. It is very bittersweet, especially since he is our last child. I will forever be thankful for the time and the bond that we share for life. I am a lucky, lucky mother to have a little boy who nursed for so long. Your mommy loves you with all of her heart.
(
posted by Princess at 3:32 PM
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