Sweet Moments

I've done so much reflection over the past 13 months. I am always a deep thinker, although that seems to go against the title of my blog. I am always analyzing situations, probably thinking and re-thinking everything too much to my detriment and my sanity.

Now that my son is over one year, things seem to have gotten a little easier. It doesn't mean that there are not hard days, frustrating days, lonely days, tiring days, but all in all he and I have been and continue to be in our own little world. I wonder how long he and I can exist like this. I wonder how long he'll want me to hug him, hold him, comfort him, nurture him, and just love him as much as I do.

This evening, he was upstairs with dad. I thought I'd come downstairs and check my email quickly. Within a few minutes, he was in tears wanting me to come back upstairs. It is somewhat flattering to me, as there are few people in this world who really like me so much and want my constant company. Yet there was one time I was trying to take a bubble bath one evening and I could hear his cries outside the bathroom door, even though he was in dad's company, and it was not a relaxing bubble bath.

We've recently started reviewing and converting old videos into DVDs and it is already difficult for us to remember him being so small and so helpless. He is growing up so quickly, almost too quickly. I wish somedays I could freeze time. Other days I wish I could fast forward ahead. I know that someday I'll look back at these times and as hard as they are somedays, they are the sweetest and most precious of moments. I know someday I will long for these times again. So for now, I just hold on and try to live in each and every moment with him.