An ultrasound

The day before Thanksgiving I went to my ultrasound. I was very anxious to go...for whatever reason, all along I've worried about this baby. Part of it is my now advanced maternal age and the increased chance of something not being right with this baby. I recently was reading a blog of someone I know who had written about a woman who lost her baby at 18 weeks. She was probably a couple weeks ahead of me in due date and of course, I immediately started to cry. This was a stranger, someone completely unknown to me, but the mere fact of being mothers, of being pregnant, of even having the possibility that this mother's story could be any of ours, broke my heart. It also made me fearful for my upcoming ultrasound. I had chosen to skip the amniocentesis after having a nuchal translucency test performed. We felt it wasn't necessary given my results. Yet I think that every mother always worries...and I will probably worry until the moment that the baby is born.

So we went to the ultrasound...there have been many guesses for this baby's gender. I was predicting a boy. I really didn't feel so differently this pregnancy...even less nauseous than with my first. I think my sister, my best friend, and so many others were wanting a girl for me. While we were in the waiting room, my husband said, "What do you think? I think a girl." I said boy. I know that I secretly was wanting a girl...someone who would grow up that I could go shopping with, go to aerobics with, and well, watch girly movies with. Not that I don't love my son 110%...and of course, we both just wanted the baby to be healthy. And the verdict: another boy. We had no ideas for a name for a boy, just a name for a girl. I must admit that there was some disappointment...which I know sounds awful. How many women out there would love to have a baby? And just cannot conceive one? Don't get me wrong...I am thrilled...and I love this baby very much...I am cherishing these little movements. I am loving this time when my son sits on my lap and I can hold him. I love it when he wakes up and is sleepy and still a little clingy in the morning and he lets you hug him for awhile. I love feeling his little body warm against my body.

And I've come to realize what a miracle it is to have a healthy baby. Having a baby is a miracle...is a gift from God, I truly believe. So two boys for us...boys to take care of mommy, as my husband says.

Anyways...so these are some of my thoughts for now. Thankful for a pregnancy that seems to be progressing well...thankful that the baby is growing well...but also realizing that time is passing by quickly. I am cherishing these moments...going through another pregnancy and feeling those flutters and enjoying the solace of having just one for now.